Redeemed (GAM011)
Redeemed is like if a baby doll had been aged in a time machine, and then they put a blonde wig on it, and the dad from Three's Company didn't want to fuck it—he wanted to fuck Eva Longoria instead. Basically, the TLDR of this movie is the same as fucking someone, and so is friendship? And so don't do it: the only person you should be boy-girl friends with is your husband and/or wife. Type: Jesus Saves! (and takes half damage) Opening Phrase Where each week we sample another selection from the annals of Christian cinema so that amputees might feel sorry for us. How Bad Was It? *Eli: Well, you know how The Kids are Alright is a really good movie about infidelity, and about how an affair can affect a relationship, and how hard it is for people to deal with the complex emotions surrounding that? Well, now imagine that movie had been exposed to red Kryptonite and created a Bizarro world version where everyone was still upset and all the acting was terrible. Who Was This Meant For? *Eli: This was meant for men who want to search through their wives/girlfriends phone: "Do you want to search through your girlfriend's phone? Is there no movie to prove why you should be able to? Well strap on in for Redeemed—it's on Netflix. We've got ninety minutes of why you should be able to read her Facebook messages. *Noah: This is for middle age women who needed to have it reassured to them that no, they're right, the way he talks to that little harlot at the Jiffy Lube is a reasonable thing to be pissed off about. Notes *Heath is the Marco Rubio of God Awful Movies. *Based on a true story… where nothing happened. Jokes *"I had this weird thought moment while I was watching this movie and I recognized David A.R. White. I was like, man, if I saw David A.R. White on the street, I would stop him and be like 'Hey man, I've seen all your movies', and then he'd be like, Thank you, and I'd be like, 'No, this conversation is going in a very different direction than follows that sentence usually. We're going to fight now. I'm taking off my jacket'." *"The gray hats... this is one of my favorite things. They're called 'the gray hats', 'cause they've obviously heard the words 'black hat' and 'white hat' hackers, so it's like, 'They're called the gray hats—they're neither good nor evil.' Where's their movie? I want to hear about the gray hats and their meetings: 'So what'd you do this week? I don't know, I broke into the FBI and changed everyone's DMV appointment to be five minutes later.' They're nihilists I guess." (16:54) *"Headshots. He has her headshots. It is very clearly this actress's headshots on his phone—he might as well have the eight by tens. If he had swiped to the next pic and it was a resume, he would have been like 'Yeah, she can be in this movie.' This is not an affair: this is stalking, and a problem in relationships by the way. Stalking another woman is problems in your relationship." Interstitials *Apology for Thought Sex (6:35) *The Gray Hats (1:26:40) Tropes *Boss in a Bit Part *Christians Don't Know How the World Works *The Most Advanced C64 Ever! *Disappointing Christian Celebrity *Take Your Damn Medicine *Reprehensible Moral Message Links *Episode on Audioboom *Trailer on YouTube *IMDB Category:Episodes Category:David A.R. White Category:Noah Lugeons Category:Eli Bosnick